Walking away from the past.

For the last couple of months I have been struggling to leave the past behind and move forwards. I remember hearing that sentence in the typical boy meets girl kinda movies and thinking it can't be that hard to forget and just move on. However I have found myself trapped in a constant loop of comparing everything I have now, to what I used to have, and that makes me sink even deeper into my sad lonely mind.
Being raised in a sunny beautiful island I never imagined that the things I experienced there with my friends etc... weren't so normal to other people who lived in grey uninteresting cities. Since i've been living in Holland (a country that has a lot of beautiful things to offer but in a dull unexciting manner) I haven't found one single connection with the life I used to live to the one I have to live now.
By this I mean, I spend most of my time at home usually by myself since the people I have met so far have not fueled any kind of interest in me. This doesn't mean I'm a vain bitch who thinks the world revolves around her, no, it's just that you can't force yourself to connect with people that have absolutely nothing in common with you. I respect everyones choice in their lifestyle, however they just don't fit with mine... (partying in small claustrophobic mediocre "clubs", listening and raving to techno and swearing that it's the best music there is, using words like "swag" "bae" "totes cool" in their daily conversations, materialistic and superficial conversations, honestly not being able to have a spiritual or intellectual conversation at all).
I remember finishing school on a thursday going to my friend's house changing and leaving to this amazing rock and roll bar where every thursday was ladies night, going to grab a beer with my friends on friday after school and talking for ages, attending reggae raves with people that I could take outside smoke a cigarette and discuss the meaning of the universe with. I miss that and I can't help but feeling that those were the best days of my life, and the reality of the dull grey world smacked me in the face this year.
Nevertheless, and after a lot of soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that I was meant to spend some time alone this year, that I was meant to "relax" and have a tranquil life, to collect my thoughts and to regenerate myself since last year was chaotic and stressful as much as fun and exciting.
I will not give up and settle, or change and become one of those people that I can't bear to hang out with.
Thankfully, the days when the sun rays creep out of the ever looming grey clouds and I can open my windows to bathe in those tiny rays and light up a joint, I have the perfect playlist to go with it.