My defenition

Its not about demonstrating and proving to the world that you are sad and advertizing yourself.
 Its about feeling it within, suddenly realizing that you're not the person that you used to be, that remembering the last time you ever genuinely laughed or felt happy is a struggle because it was much too long ago.
Its putting up a brave face and a smile to your friends so that they don't realize that something is wrong because you don't want to be that "girl with depression" because you never thought it would be you.
It isn't about preferring to be home by yourself, its NEEDING to be home by yourself because the thought of seeing people gives you a terrifying feeling of anxiety although you never used to feel that way before. Its about feeling unwelcome and lonely in a big crowd and crying every day over the most insignificant things because your tears are just reflecting the deep grey clouds lingering in your soul.
 Its the feeling of uselessness, of failure, of believing that you are not worth anything and not even knowing where these feelings come from. Its about having to admit to yourself out loud that you have it, that your'e ill and that you need help although the world will try to tell you that you're just going through a rough patch and that it will pass.
 Its the constant feeling of living in the past because you're trying so hard to cling to those memories of the time when you felt happy and desperately telling yourself that if you just pull yourself together you could be like that again.
 Its about waking up and feeling immediately exhausted at the thought of having to get up and leave your bed because even the nightmares that haunt your dreams are better than the reality of your monotonous life.
Its about the world telling you that you're just being lazy when you try to explain to them that all the energy you used to have to do the most mundane things is gone. And yet you try to tell yourself that if you just tried harder, if you just pulled yourself together maybe all these people are right and its just a phase you're going through.
 But seeking help is not a sign of weakness or defeat, its a sign of strength because you are opening yourself up to finding a cure to this feeling, to becoming the person you used to be.